You’ve heard that being in a couple takes work, and part of you thinks this must be true. After all, you are working hard (or maybe you used to, before the whole became so painful).
Another part of you (secretly?) suspects this “work” business is nonsense: if only you were with the “right” person, everything would be much easier.
But this thought makes you a little sad. If the person you love isn’t the “right” one, you might have to say goodbye to them. And what if you leave the relationship based on this theory, only to regret it later?
No worries — soon enough your partner once again starts to act (circle one or more): selfish, crazy, needy, uncaring, clingy, distant, stupid, angry, blaming, demanding, aloof, superior, inferior, emotional, irrational, like a robot, etc. You get angry and/or distant again, and you’re not exactly sad anymore.
Does it go something like this?
When couples aren’t doing well they may criticize and pick at each other, or they may distance themselves and stonewall. Or some combination. It’s too hot or it’s too cold, or a bit of both. It’s very uncomfortable.
We partner because we hope that, in partnership, we’re going to be comforted when we need comforting, and stimulated when we want excitement. We partner because we want to feel a sense of belonging & connection; we also want to feel seen and understood and appreciated for who we are. We partner because we hope that, on balance, being partnered is going to make us feel better.
But often, instead of being soothed, we’re hurt. Instead of being stimulated, we’re bored and uninterested. Somehow, being in a couple turns into something not at all what we’d hoped for.
GETME counseling interns get training in the specialty of couples therapy. In this counseling format, you come in with your partner. During your couples sessions, you, your partner and your therapist will slowly come to a new understanding of what’s happening inside each partner during the endless loops of arguing and/or distancing.
Gradually, through this new understanding, you will come to see your partner in a new light. This begins to make your interactions more peaceful, emotionally safer, and more interesting and exciting. You’ll feel closer and more connected. You’ll feel safer. You’ll feel seen, and appreciated for who you are.
Isn’t that what you wanted?
If you’d like to schedule an appointment, contact us.