Having a strong relationship is good for you. Research shows that partners in close couples are happier, more satisfied with their lives, and less prone to stress and disease.

Unfortunately, many couples struggle. Some can’t spend an hour together without bickering. Some have grown so distant they hardly speak to one another. Some have suffered affairs, difficulties conceiving or parenting, illnesses, or other serious challenges.

Other couples are not quite so seriously distressed, but still yearn for greater closeness and mutual understanding. But how can they achieve this?  Many people have nearly lost hope that anything can be done to improve their relationship. They may be angry, anxious, disappointed, or depressed.

I can help. Even if you’ve been suffering for years in a painful relationship, there is hope. As long as each of you has at least some desire to improve your situation, we have the basis to begin moving forward.

In my work with couples, each partner looks into themselves, to see what’s there and what’s been missed. Your partner will be just as surprised as you are to discover how much more there is to you than either of you knew.

In addition, we slow down and examine the nearly invisible interactional processes that keep you and your partner in cycles of angry conflict and/or distance.

Then, through simultaneously increasing safety and encouraging risk, each of you will directly and bravely share with one another your previously unknown or unspoken feelings, meanings and experiences.

You will also bravely hear one another. By perceiving our partners as they actually are, we deepen our appreciation, respect, and understanding. By sharing and learning new aspects of each other, topics that had been unspeakable — or the occasion for yet another harmful argument — become an opportunity for greater knowledge and a truer intimacy.

Like highly trained athletes or musicians, the two of you can learn to play together like a champion team or expert ensemble. Playing with each other instead of against each other, you’ll come to understand each other for who you are, appreciate each other’s strengths and sensitivites, and respect, support, challenge, nurture, and genuinely care for one another.

Is all of this a lot of work? Yes. Getting into shape together takes energy, focus and commitment. But once you’ve acquired good playing habits, staying in shape isn’t nearly so difficult. And the immense rewards of achieving a satisfying relationship make the effort worthwhile.

I help couples achieve an interdependent relationship: one where each of you has a clear, individual identity and voice, while nurturing and maintaining a close and deeply caring bond with your partner.